My favorite moment is from Figure it Out PM where Lori Beth said “I'm going to guess that you trap air in the foreskin of your uncircumcised penis to essentially fart your dick” and it was actually correct! The demonstration was bizarre even though it was Figure it Out PM they still weren't going to show a ding-a-ling. So he stood behind a wall that was about waste high so the audience couldn't see anything offensive and he proceeded to fart his dick. Summer Sanders stood on the same side of the wall so she could see it and confirm that he actually did it.
You started hearing fart noises and the audience laughed and Summer Sanders said "Oh my gosh guys those sounds are actually coming from his penis!" Danny Tamberelli was losing his mind laughing. The contestant then asked Summer for a glass of water. She asked why and he replied "Oh you'll see" Someone from backstage brought him out a cup of water. He took the cup and proceeded to slowly pour a bit out from behind the wall. Summer then exclaimed "What in the world! Guys he is stretching his foreskin up and pouring water in it like a little foreskin cup!
The audience and Danny Tamberelli was roaring with laughter. Lori Beth Denberg said "Can all guys really do that?!" and the contestant said "Not all but some of us know the art of the dick fart, it drives the ladies wild!" He then sat the cup of water down and said "You ready for some H20 assisted dick farts?" He then proceeded to produce some of the nastiest wettest sounding farts I've ever heard. It was insane! Summer was still watching and said "This is really happening y'all, I never knew it was possible to produce such sounds from a penis!" The contestant re-filled with water for the grand finale. It was the wettest sounding one yet. The funniest part about the finale was when Summer pulled her hand up and yelled "Ugg! I just got dick water on my arm!" Everyone applauded and Jay the announcer said "For stumping the panelist in the first two rounds you get $50 worth of Toys R Us Jeffery Dollars and the Sega Saturn gaming system!
Now… I need to talk about something important. There’s a scene in the movie Dodgeball (2004) with cheerleaders, and Lori Beth is in it. There’s a guy who ends up with his noodle-doodle face stuck in her fanny caboose—and I just want to say: I’ve never been so jealous in my LIFE. If I was in that scene, I would’ve probably passed out from happiness and had to be carried out by a team of giggling squirrels.
Anyway, when I grow up, I want to marry Lori Beth Denberg. I will take her last name (because Denberg sounds super Hollywood, like a lady who owns a mansion shaped like a taco). We’re going to have 10 kids and make a brand-new show called The Denberg Family is All-That.
It’s going to be like All That, but instead of just sketches, we also show what happens when a family of 10 kids all try to write comedy at the same time in the same living room. It’s part sitcom, part sketch show, part “WHY IS THERE JELLO IN THE DISHWASHER?!”
Lori Beth Denberg is the funniest human in the Nickelodeon universe, and one day, she will be my wife and we will rule the comedy world from a couch made of cheese curls.
-Chaz Slaterson
SNICK’RZ Magazine (1998)
