The Australian Politics & News Thread

[Dr. Zoidberg]

[ian]

Dear current middle east conflict participants.

Whichever one of you can kill the treasonous Scott Morrison, that's who Australia will wholeheartedly support.

We are sorry he's there, but he can't make the situation any worse, and things are better here without him already.

Those of them who have already been blown up and killed will at least be spared from his shit eating grin and forced handshakes, so at least some people are lucky.

[ian]

So Optus had a big issue today, leaving nearly 10 million people affected. So nearly half the country was affected in one way or another by the outage. There are roughly 25 million of us, so to have 10 million of us affected, you would think would be catastrophic.

In any other place in the world, that would be huge news!
Here, it was a Wednesday. And 10 million people experienced what the other 15 million people do every single day:
An unusable communications network.

With no internet how did I post this? I used a typewriter to write it and then send with a carrier pigeon to take to the nearest horseback courier who delivered it to a Telstra customer who posted for me. And how will I see any replies? I'll arrange to have them put into Morse code and then sent via a telegram. stop.


Internet not working? As usual!
Play the dinosaur jumping game in chrome and go for the world record!
The top 22 million scores in the dinosaur jumping game are all from Australians, and I'm sure after today every person in the whole land will now be better than anyone else in the world. We may even see the high score get toppled.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

Outage? What outage?

*Kisses Telstra phone plan*

[Ocelot]

Y'all need to have something interesting happen like a 2nd Emu War.

[ian]

Outage? What outage?

*Kisses Telstra phone plan*

It's only a matter of time before Telstra and Voda shit the bed.

The influx of Optus customers will ruin the better networks for everyone already on them.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

I think Telstra had an outage earlier this year or last year. It didn't seem to cause as many problems though.

[Skynet]

Outage? What outage?

*Kisses Telstra phone plan*

It's only a matter of time before Telstra and Voda shit the bed.

The influx of Optus customers will ruin the better networks for everyone already on them.

Based on what I learned about Voda before they offshored us all, they're doing just fine fucking themselves up without worry of third parties getting involved

They burn through money on ridiculous things. While I was still working there, they were trying to consolidate all brands into 1 billing system. Last I heard, years into putting the newest one together they realised it was shit and want to scrap the whole thing and go to another option. This was years after we kept trying to tell them it was garbage and too limiting

Technically that's a TPG decision, not Voda, but it's only in name. Voda is technically major share holder of the TPG Telecom name

[Skynet]

Outage? What outage?

*Kisses Telstra phone plan*

My Telstra based Aldi mobile was working flawlessly all day

[ian]

I actually have very little problems on Vodafone. (In 2009 I took them to court to get out of a contract they wouldn't fulfil, and know a lot of people who have endless issues with them even today)
In my area, they have the best mobile signal by a long long way, but I'm not afraid to change the second the service gets shit or overpriced. the problem came when I tried to talk to anyone or they tried to talk to me. 90% of the people I know are on some sort of Optus hosted service. Even if it's not Optus itself.

I think a lot of people will be going with 1 provider for home/work and a different one for mobile after this though.

[pixel]

[Dr. Zoidberg]

[Dr. Zoidberg]

[Dr. Zoidberg]

2 people won Powerball. $100m each. Jeepers.

[Skynet]

I won $100

[Dr. Zoidberg]

You're rich!

[Dr. Zoidberg]

I guess we have a new "Mushroom lady" style murder mystery with this missing Ballarat mother. People on social media seem to think the husband must have done something, even though there's no proof or even a crime scene yet.

And in other news...

Imagine walking down the street and seeing Barnaby on the ground calling someone a cunt on the phone.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

So that's why I do my b's like that!

Tas and SA are the nicest ones. QLD looks weird.

[ian]

My b's are a combo of Vic style and SA. it's just faster to write that way, not that I've used a pen to write any meaningful amount of text in 20 years.

More like a 6 with a straight line. But my writing is so terrible no one could read it even if they wanted to. We've had typewriters, and electric typewriters, and computers and phones for eternity. Writing is a skill that only actually needs to be block letters for legibility on forms.

[ian]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-03-09/ ... /103568640

Hilarious news from up north.