Dear American board members

[ian]

What is more appealing to you.
A:
Buddy don't know that I'm getting pot
Behind the old IHOP
For his 15th birthday.

Or

B:
Mommy don't know that her kid got shot
While in metal shop
At the local high school.

They're both very different, and both much better and more American than the original song but I need to know which direction to head in for the American market.

Thank you all in advance.

[ian]

Since I've made this post I've seen on my before sleep Reddit browse that there was a high school shooting today, So I guess I know which one I should avoid.

[Roofus]

Since I've made this post I've seen on my before sleep Reddit browse that there was a high school shooting today, So I guess I know which one I should avoid.

Its fine. We never go more than a day or two between high school shootings

[ian]

You should teach your youth to only use guns for good, like hunting Crows and Ravens to extinction.
All the other birds are fine, even pigeons and seagulls are only really annoying some of the time.

Use all your guns for good!

I'm sure you Roofus, and all our other American members do your part at hunting Crows and Ravens with all your guns. But it's not enough, we need to do more.

I imagine you on the back of a ford f250 with a bald eagle on one shoulder and an obscenely large rifle resting over the other shoulder.
As you lift the rifle with one hand you barely glance through a pair of aviators as a crow explodes into a fine mist.
You lift your raybans to reveal an eye patch and say some sort of catchphrase that's worthy of being in a movie.

This whole time the eagle doesn't flinch! It's used to your gun now.

[ian]

I need my American friends help again.


Whats funnier:
I am BATMAN!
or I LIKE SCAT PORN!

I think both are equally funny, and can work with both. (much like the last song), but need to know what would be most appealing to american audiences... Or just roofus!