Dirty jokes thread

[2dr]

Alright one for the joke-tellers among us. I guess not exclusively for dirty jokes but let’s face it, jokes are like women: they’re better dirty.

I’ll get the ball rolling.

What do a near-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

[2dr]

Two sperm are swimming along. The first says “I’m getting rather tired. How far to the fallopian tubes?”

The other says “Long way to go yet. We only just passed the tonsils.”

[Dr. Zoidberg]

[2dr]

How can you tell the gays from the straights in a bar fight?

The gays exchange blows while the straight men just straight up punch the shit out of each other.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

I slightly altered your joke, 2dr. "Gays" is a nicer term.

[2dr]

No problem.

What’s the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn’t follow me round when I dump a load in it.

[2dr]

If a dwarf tells you that your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

[ian]

[Manoel]

I've been using Blueguerilla's Discord server solely to dump memes I find around the interwebs.

Btw, iirc 2dr is short for "2 dogs rotting" or something, no?

[Skynet]

2 dogs rooting.

root
1. A Kiwi/Australian slang that is used in place of the more commonly used term "fuck."
1. You're rooted! (You're fucked)
2. If ya wanna root just ask! (If ya wanna fuck just ask)

[Dr. Zoidberg]

A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

"Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name.

The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

"Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

"Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Rooting?"

[melancholy]

2 dogs rooting.

root
1. A Kiwi/Australian slang that is used in place of the more commonly used term "fuck."
1. You're rooted! (You're fucked)
2. If ya wanna root just ask! (If ya wanna fuck just ask)

Oh. I always thought his name meant that there were two dogs cheering for something. Ya know, ‘rooting for the home team’ or something. I should have known with him that his name would be something dirty.

[Bandit]

And you call Root Beer Fuck Beer, which is awesome.

[Hawq]

the less reputable of the worrld would pour regular beer down someones throat to get em to say yes to that (think my brains nearing its limit of sense for the day, hopefully the gag survived)

[2dr]

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?


Microwaves don’t leak when they’re fucked!

[Dr. Zoidberg]

A guy and a girl are having sex.

Guy: I have to go to work.

Girl: Call your boss and tell him that you're sick.

The guy calls his boss and tells him he can't come in because he is sick.

Boss: How sick are you?

Guy: I'm currently fucking my sister.

[2dr]

People in Alabama would not get that joke. They’d be like “Yeah, your fucking your sister. So??!?”

[2dr]

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

[2dr]

What did the cheerleaders use for protection while having sex?

A Bus shelter!

[2dr]

The difference between like and love is spit and swallow